Joshua 0033

Always Come Back to the Solid Place

You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, “Do you love me?”  You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.

You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure.  But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question.  Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame.  All of that makes you dissipate yourself and leave the rock on which your house is built.

You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you do not feel it.  Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose.  But keep saying, “God loves me, and God’s love is enough.”  You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.

(Inner Voice, page 8)

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I never hear a No to the prayerful question, “Do you love me?”  Yet that does not secure the Yes for me.  Silence often sounds like apathy during my anguish.  I fear being ignored more than being hated.  So, I must always, under all circumstances, hear my God’s affirming and passionate Yes.  I must know it is there.

I often feel guilt no matter what I do.  I think this comes from my home of origin with its co-dependence and emotional trip wires.  I think what is revealed most to me in considering my fear, is that when I ask myself, “Do you love me?”  The answer is almost always a definitive “no.”  What would happen if I made it a habit to say yes? Would it be easier to believe it when my Lord says yes, I love you?  Holy Spirit, Help me find this solid place of Yes.